Alcohol Jokes / Recent Jokes
A school teacher wanted to show her students how dangerous drinking alcohol could be. She brought a jar of alcohol and an earthworm to class one day to demonstrate its effects. She dropped the worm into the alcohol and it died instantly. She then asked her students what this proved.
One student raised his hand and said, "if you drink a lot of alcohol, you won't get worms."
Due to increasing products liability litigation, the World's Beer Brewers have decided that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have more...
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause ofinexplicable more...
The weeper
"You all hate me" is the typical line used by the weeper numerous times during the party. She is likely to spend most of the evening in the rest room holding the hand of a friend, who is patiently listening to her anguish, tears, and whiny vomiting. The weeper is a phase most girls go through when they get drunk for the first time every year.
The DAMP child
She is the cheerful type who does excessively energetic cartwheels and juggles beer bottles while claiming "I'm not drunk, I'm just in a really good mood", even though her eyes are rolling around in her head and her cheeks are blushing. She is simply impossible to bear in the long run and is likely to be sent into the kitchen to do the dishes. This type may turn into the weeper during the late hours.
Biker chick
This type goes into macho mode when she gets drunk. She becomes boastful and loud and belches a lot. She usually hangs out with the guys shocking them with foul-smelling, more...
A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High school
B- Beer: It's what's for dinner...and breakfast and lunch
C- Class: What you're supposed to get up and go to after last night's party
D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic
E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party
F- Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet puking your guts out
G- Games: Anything that involves cards, stripping and chugging beers
H- Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was and how much you drank
I- Idiot: What you look like after doing a lap dance on fat kid (after just three beers)
J- Jail: Where you'll end up after trying to use a fake ID or stagger home at 5 am
K- Kissing: What you'll do to anything that moves after 15 beers
L- Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving more...
According to a study by Kaiser Permanente, coffee counteracts some of the effects of alcohol in the liver. While this is good news for drinkers, researchers caution that coffee is still unable to make Daddy love Mommy again.