Alive Jokes / Recent Jokes

People magazine picked George Clooney as the Sexiest Man Alive for the second time ever.














Asked what he finds attractive, he said, "Sense of humor is No. 1 for me."

He added, "I find a great set of tits hilarious, by the way."

God is not dead,
but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.

A popular trend this year for Halloween was to dress your dog in a costume.

Michael Vick dressed his dog as Frankenstein. He yelled, "It's alive. It's alive," and then electrocuted it.

Two Friends Met After Along Time. They Were Enquiring About Each Other. One Said I Got Married, My Wife Is An Angel! Second
One Said Hmmm Mine Is Still Alive

Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself to Slim, he asked: "By the way, Slim, what was your IQ when you were alive?""159", said Slim. "Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around." "What an exciting opportunity!", said Slim. Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was done he said: "Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you were alive?" "141", said Billy-Bob. "Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights." "Nothing more...

Following the most recent coalition bombing raid Saddam appeared in a videoed address to the Iraqi people:
"
...and to prove I am still alive I will say the Liverpool played shite on Saturday"
.
A spokesman for the British Goverment said "
That proves nothing - it could have been recorded months ago"
.!

A noted criminal defense lawyer was making his closing argument for his client accused of murder, although the body of the victim had never been found. The lawyer dramatically turned to the courtroom's clock and, pointing to it, announced, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have some astounding news. I have found the supposed victim of this murder to be alive! In just ten seconds, she will walk through the door of this courtroom."

A heavy quiet suddenly fell over the courtroom as everyone waited for the dramatic entry. But nothing happened.

The smirking lawyer continued, "The mere fact that you were watching the door, expecting the victim to walk into this courtroom, is clear proof that you have far more than even a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed."

Tickled with the impact of his cleverness, the cocky lawyer confidently sat down to await acquittal.

The jury was instructed, filed out, and more...