Sexiest Jokes

...Johnny Depp has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Magazine, while yours truly has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Named Bix Brillo Magazine.

From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?" 9. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"8. The best term to describe you is "super hairy". 7. You parachuted into Super Bowl with a dog and a bag of pretzels. 6. Photos of you used as a birth-control device. 5. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with calls about an escaped orangutan. 4. As you walk toward rack of Speedos, you hear clerks murmuring, "Oh God, no". 3. Your name is Tom Wilkins and you're seated in the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theater. 2. Hookers always telling you "Not on the first date". 1. Richard Simmons never follows you home.

Scarlett Johansson has been named "Sexiest Woman Alive" by Esquire Magazine.
The 21-year-old actress is lauded for her hourglass figure, but she asks, "What about my brain?"
To which a reporter responded curiously, "Does your brain have nipples?"

The British actress was voted Sexiest Woman over 60. The polls closed at 4:00 p.m. so all voters will make it to the early bird special.

From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995
Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive
10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?"
9. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"
8. The best term to describe you is "super hairy".
7. You parachuted into Super Bowl with a dog and a bag of pretzels.
6. Photos of you used as a birth-control device.
5. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with calls about an escaped orangutan.
4. As you walk toward rack of Speedos, you hear clerks murmuring, "Oh God, no".
3. Your name is Tom Wilkins and you're seated in the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
2. Hookers always telling you "Not on the first date".
1. Richard Simmons never follows you home.