Readers Jokes

...Johnny Depp has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Magazine, while yours truly has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Named Bix Brillo Magazine.

Read this from Readers Digest a long time ago: One day a Cowpoke riding the plains, came upon a warrior with his head down on the ground with his ear on a wagon track, the warrior looked up at the cowpoke and said" Wagon with two horses, one black, one white, man with beard drive, smoke pipe, women ride, wear blue dress with bonnet" the cowpoke looks at the warrior and said" you mean you can tell me all that just by listening to a wagon track? The warrior looked up and replied, "No! Run over me half hour ago...

The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:

Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent

Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude more...

Q: How many alt. anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.

Q: How many alt. fan. pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...

Q: How many alt. folklore. urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.

Q: How many alt. folklore. urban readers does it take more...

Post a message asking how to post messages.Lead a tireless crusade for the creation of newsgroups with silly names like alt.my.butt.is.hairy.Put 4 addresses, 5 lines of "Geek Code", 6 ASCII-art bicycles, a PGP key, and your home phone in your signature.Post recipes on rec.pets.cats.Post a compendium of old articles from a thread that died months ago with a title such as "** HAS JOE SMITH FORGOTTEN HIS LIES? **"Post a 56-part binary MPG file of your dog throwing up to news.answers. Announce that you screwed it up and repeat.Ask readers of rec.music.misc to post their favorite Zeppelin tune "for a poll".Reacquaint the readers of rec.humor with the "two-strings-go-in-a-bar" joke.Determine a perversion so bizarre or obscure that it doesn't yet have its own sex group.Post your new "War Heroes of India" FAQ to soc.culture.pakistan.Start this week's new AOL virus rumor.Post elaborate conspiracy theories to talk.politics.misc detailing how ATF more...