Alone Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play they want to be alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts.
Conclusion: They're like little, tiny women in cheap fur coats.
It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits. Helena: No item may be thrown across a street. Helena: A woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground. Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes.
The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet, but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money.
The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your more...
As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.
Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing more...
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole? ”
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80. 00, he confesses that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings. more...
25 rules for Women to follow: 1. Sports Center starts at 11: 00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me!! 2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. 3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store. 4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? 5. Butthead is the smart one. 6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? 7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. 8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship." 9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. 10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing more...