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Americans and Russians were competing who would go to the moon and build more on it. The minister comes to the American president: Mister President, the Russians have already launched their spaceship!
President: Yes, yes, let them! A few days later: Mister President, the Russians have already landed on the moon!
President: Yes, yes, calm down! In a week: Mister President, it's the Russians, the started painting the moon red!
President: That's fine, just fine! In a month: Mister President, the Russians have painted half the moon red, we'd better do something too!!
President: No, no, don't worry! In two months: Mister President, the Russians have finished painting the moon, the whole moon is red now!!
President: That's great, now send our spaceship up there to write Coca-Cola on it!
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic... shouldn't they already know you're coming?
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie?
Why dont you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Supermans chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial more...
Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.
GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT--
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I more...
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant." Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants." Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor." Employer: "More than we can use already." Applicant: As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can dopaperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor." Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications." Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening."
A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the bartender. "You've had too much already."
The drunk spies a dart board behind the bar.
"Tell you what," he says. "If I can throw three bull's eyes with that dart set would you let me have the drink?"
"Sure," says the bartender, thinking the guy would leave after the little game. He hands the drunk three darts. "Look out, everybody!"
Zot, zot, zot. The drunk throws three quick bull's eyes.
Well, the bartender had never seen anything like that before, but he has to make good on the wager, so he makes a martini and sets it before the drunk. He then puts a napkin next to the drink and sets a turtle on it.
"What's this," says the drunk.
"That's a prize for such fine dart throwing," says the more...
Special High Intensity Training - S.H.I.T.MEMORANDUMTO: All EmployeesFROM: Communications ServicesSUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAININGIn order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained though our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office in town.If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic more...