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"I thought he was the pizza delivery guy leaving. No wondered he smiled when I tried to give him a tip!"
"I was putting another denarius in the chariot meter!"
"With the earth shakin' and all the bright lights, we figgered we was abducted by aliens."
"Since the tomb was already empty when the stone was rolled away, I'm afraid you're speaking to the wrong department. Let me give you a BR#245-A-Res form
and direct you to Burial Services."
"As we've already stated several times before, according to the legal definition of 'escape', we emphatically deny any wrongdoing in this matter!"
"We was HYPNO-TIZED! Centurion Bobicus is still clucking like a chicken!"
"You told us to secure the tomb as best as we know how. We did! May I suggest an assessment of our current training program?
"All I know is, this better not mess up my early retirement package!"
"Hey! What'd you expect? more...

HE: I`m a photographer I`ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I`m a plastic surgeon. I`ve been looking for a face like
yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I`d like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I`m having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don`t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can`t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don`t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I`ve already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad more...

A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times...
He consults a doctor which, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years, your dick is burned out; you won't be able to make love more than 30 times!"
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said. He tells her what the doc told him.
She says: "Oh my god, only 30 times! We should not waste that; we should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, Ii already made a list on the way home; sorry but your name is not on it!"

Comments made by Programmers when their programs dont work: Strange... Ive never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, its just a feature. Im almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. Its just some unlucky coincidence. I cant test everything! THIS cant do THAT. Didnt I fix it already? Its already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but its not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didnt find it during the system testing? Its a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user would never do more...

A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times...He consults a doctor which, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years, your dick is burned out; you won't be able to make love more than 30 times!"The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said. He tells her what the doc told him.She says: "Oh my god, only 30 times! We should not waste that; we should make a list!"He replies, "Yes, Ii already made a list on the way home; sorry but your name is not on it!"

A man is having problems with his Johnson which certainly had seen better
times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but
you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out; you only
have 30 erections left in your penis."
The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at
the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He
tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We
shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!"
He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name
isn't on it."

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago. Monday night, 10 pm Girl: Hello? Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---? Girl: Speaking. Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!) Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right? Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she probably hates me already!) Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he actually called!) Boy: So, how are you? Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the hell else I am supposed to say- more...