Altar Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's." The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as more...

The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job." He says, "You have sinned."

Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job. The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."

Dear President Bush
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman."
I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. more...

The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job."
He says, "You have sinned." Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job.
The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."

A Catholic and a Protestant church were located directly across the street from each other. In spite of their religious differences, the Catholic priests and the Protestant ministers were on friendly terms.
Accordingly, they invited each other to feel free to drop in at any time to view their respective church services. While conducting services one Sunday, one of the Catholic priests glanced up and saw that three Protestant ministers had chosen that occasion to attend services.
Because all the pews were filled, they were standing at the rear of the church. In an effort to treat his guests as courteously as possible, the priest called an altar boy to his side and whispered in his ear, "Three chairs for the Protestants."
The altar boy promptly spun around, faced the congregation and said in a loud voice, "Three cheers for the Protestants!"