Amazing Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered " You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said "You must be quite a man."

He responded "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil in that old motor, this one's black."

Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning.

In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.

The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.

"It was the most amazing thing. .. it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly.

"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.
I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is more...

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender if he'd pay the guy $20 if he could show him the most amazing thing in his life. The bartender agrees, and the man pulls out a small white mouse and a tiny piano. The mouse starts to play old man river on the piano.
The bartender isn't quite amazed yet.
So, the man pulls out a bullfrog, who starts singing along to the mouse's playing.
The bartender admits that that is the most amazing thing he's ever seen, and gives the guy his $20.
Another guy sitting next to the man sees the frog and says "Wow, I will give you a thousand dollars right now for that frog!"
The man agrees, and sells him the frog.
After the man who bought the frog leaves, the bartender sez, "Man, you must be insane. That frog could have made you a fortune."
The man says, "Not really, the mouse is a ventroliquist too."

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered
what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?" Then he gets
an idea. He calls his father.
"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they
actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"
"Why that's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."
So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out.
So the boy calls his father again.
"So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - now they have more...

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we more...

A railway inspector and his friend in a bar chating...
Friend: Why have you got that big smile on your face.
Railway inspector: I just had the best sex of my life!
Friend: with who?
Railway inspector: With this girl I found on the railway tracks.
Friend: Oh yeah! What did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had the most amazing body!
Friend: Oh yeah! But what did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had the most amazing legs!
Friend: But what did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had perfect breasts!
Friend: Yeah but what did she look like!
Railway inspector: Don't know never found the head.