Motor Jokes

(I don't remember where I heard this, but I don't think it was in church...)
During a particularly wet winter, flood waters rise so high in one
town that the national guard evacuates all the residents. One man
stays behind, however, and when the water is waist-high, two national
guardsmen in a boat motor past his house, checking for people left
behind.
"We're evacuating the town because of the flood! Jump in the boat
and we'll carry you to safety!"
But the man says, "No, don't bother; I've led a pious life, and the
Lord will save me."
The men in the boat shrug their shoulders and motor away. Later,
when the water level has driven the man onto his roof, another boat
appears.
"Haven't you heard the town has been evacuated? Come on, we'll save
you!"
But the man sends them away again, saying "No, no, the Lord will save
me!"
The water level keeps rising until the man more...

ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe
AUDI
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical more...

All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
world.

NAME
Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick

RACE
Unknown

HEIGHT
6' 0"

WEIGHT
320 lbs

SCARS/TATTOOS
Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.

LAST SEEN WEARING
Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
with white tassel.

KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.

WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
Breaking and entering more...

SAVE THE BOGAN (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus)

First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Perth bogan population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Rockingham and Balga. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Gosnells and outer-Mirrabooka. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early O90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Central Perth, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts.

In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered. Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" more...

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was thebest laugh he'd ever had.