Gasoline Jokes

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant.

"Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver.

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."

"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1998 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.

"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 more...

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

So, you think a gallon of gasoline is expensive? Well! !!
Here are a few things that Autoweek brought to our attention to compare.
This is what it costs to buy a gallon of...
Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1. 29 equals $10. 32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1. 19 equals $ 9. 52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz for $1. 59 equals $ 10. 17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1. 25 equals $ 10. 00 per gallon
Quart of milk 16 oz for $1. 59 equals $ 6. 32 per gallon
STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3. 15 equals $ 33. 60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz for $8. 35 equals $ 178. 13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3. 85 equals $123. 20 per gallon
Whiteout 7oz for $1. 39 equals $254. 17 per gallon
Scope 1. 5oz for $0. 99 equals $ 84. 84 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER......
Evian water 9 oz for $1. 49 equals $ 21. 19 per gallon... $21. 19 FOR WATER! !
You get the idea?? So next time you're at the gas pump, be glad your vehicle more...

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was thebest laugh he'd ever had.

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did...
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?"
HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a more...