Amazing Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a bar and says,' 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.'' Bartender says,' 'You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'' The guy says,' 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.''

He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks,' 'You mean to say, he can drink that much?''' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,'' the man retorted.

So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.' 'That's amazing!'' says the bartender.' 'What else can he do? Can he walk?'' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,' 'Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.'' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock.' 'That's amazing!'' he says.' 'What else can he do? Does he talk?'' The more...

this Irishman walks into a bar and he notices down at the end of the bar, threes a guy that looks identical to himself. he walks up to the man and says, my gosh man, we look a like. the Irishman at the bar said, your right my man, we sure do. the other Irishman said, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, that is amazing, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, well tell me chap, what city in Ireland are you from? Dublin, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, IM also from Dublin the other Irishman said, well what school did you go to in Dublin? St. Francis my friend, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, i also went to St. Francis, my gosh we both came here from Ireland, from the same city, the same school, this is really amazing. about that time this other guy comes in and sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, whets up Sam? the bartender more...

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. more...

Amazing Anagrams

Dormitory == Dirty Room

Desperation == A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code == Here Come Dots

Slot Machines == Cash Lost in `em

Animosity == Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z`s

Alec Guinness == Genuine Class

Semolina == Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point == I`m a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one

Contradiction == Accord not in it

This one`s amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Becomes:

In one of the Bard`s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

And the grand more...

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this: Me: HelloAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Salem? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: more...

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, " You've got to keep that old motor running."
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"
He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil.
This one's black!"

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"He answered, " You've got to keep that old motor running."The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil.This one's black!"