America Jokes / Recent Jokes

To all those Freshman note takers out there....here's an example of good
note taking :-)...
How to Take Notes
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Probably the greatest quality
of the poetry of John Milton, who
was born in 1608, is the combination
of beauty and power. Few have
excelled him in the use of the
English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
'Paradise Lost' being said to be
the greatest single poem ever
written."
YOU WRITE:
John Milton-born 1608
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"When Lafayette first came to
this country, he discovered
America. The Americans needed his
help if their cause was to survive,
and this he promptly supplied them."
YOU WRITE:
Lafayette discovered America
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Current historians have come to
doubt the complete advantageousness
of some of Roosevelt's policies"
YOU more...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical more...

Editor's Note: These are, naturally, from the era of the Bush administration...

------------------------------

Draft The Bush Twins

Don't Mess With Mesopotamia

War Is SO 20th Century

When Bush Comes To Shove

Brains Not Bombs

War Is A Dick Thing, Peace Is A Heart Thing

George Dubya: Weapon Of Mass Distraction

Beat The Bushes For Peace

Weapons Of Mass Destruction: Look Under The Bushes

Drop Bush, Not Bombs

Bombing For Peace Is Like F*cking For Virginity

Evolve! Work For A Non-violent Future

If War Is The Answer, We're Asking The Wrong Question

Killing Innocent People Is The Problem, Not The Solution

Save America, Spare Iraq, Make Texas Take Him Back

Real Patriots Drive Hybrids

Drop Names, Not Bombs

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

Stop Mad Cowboy Disease

George Bush more...

When all the national leaders met with Bush...
Germans make your candy, said Germany's leader,
We abuse it, said Bush.
Holland makes your remotes, said Holland's leader
We'd die without those, said Bush.
Italy and Mexico bring in great food, said Mexico & Italy,
We stuff ourselves with it, said Bush.
Japan makes your video games, said Japan's leader;
Our kids and dads love it, said Bush.
China makes all the rest, said China's leader,
Bush said, AMEN.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE? said all but Bush,
Bush took them to a farm,
He took them to a sleping bull.
The bull had a turd next to it.
It said "Made in America",
Bush told them America makes bull****

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or
secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of
the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater
than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere),
and without regard more...

All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
world.

NAME
Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick

RACE
Unknown

HEIGHT
6' 0"

WEIGHT
320 lbs

SCARS/TATTOOS
Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.

LAST SEEN WEARING
Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
with white tassel.

KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.

WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
Breaking and entering more...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious more...