"A Lawyer's Christmas Greeting" joke

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or
secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all. . . and a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of
the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have
helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater
than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere),
and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious
faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is
subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to
actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void
where prohibited by law. It is also revocable at the sole discretion of the
wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

The wishee further agrees to hold harmless and indemnify the wisher, along with
its heirs, assigns, officers, directors, shareholders...