America Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three countries india, america & u. k were making a rocket america: we will make the upper part. U. k: we will make the lower part. India: we will write on that made in india.

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM SEC FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION (Time Limit: 3 Weeks)1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY4. What religion is the Pope? (please check only one answer) (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)8. What are people in America's far north called?(a) Westerners(b) Southerners(c) Northerners9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. 11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's more...

1. Only in America...... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and more...

Once Sontu Thought Of Going America To Learn Knowledge. After He Reached There He Called A Taxi Driver. When The Taxi Driver Asked Him Where To Go He Told,"Take Me To The Place Where There Is Knoledge. The Taxi Driver Told Him, "Sir Knowledge Is Not A Thing To Be Found. It Is Common Sense. Like If I Ask You That In My Family There Are Three Members. One Is My Wife, Anothere My Son And Who Is The Third One?" Sontu Started Thinking But Could Not Answer. Then The Taxi Driver Told Him That The Third One Was He Himself". Sontu Was Happy That He Had Learned Knowledge. He Returned Back. Then He Asked A Man The Same Question That The Taxi Driver Asked Him. The Man Told That It Was Him Then Sontu Told No. He Told That The Third One Was The Taxi Driver He Met In America.

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a more...

An American arrived in London, employed a guide, walked and got acquainted with the architecture. Soon he became bored with it: "Listen, my friend, why d'you have here everything small-sized? This building, for example, in America it would be in ten times bigger and higher..." "Sure, sir. It is a lunatic asylium."

Loping down a Manhattan street, the boxer stopped and wagged his tail in friendly greeting at a Russian wolfhound, likewise unencumbered by collar or leash.
"How do you like America?" he asked.
"Well, it's different from my homeland," said the wolfhound. "In Russia I eat bones dipped in vodka and caviar. In Russia I have my own doghouse made of rare Siberian woods. In Russia I sleep on a rug made of thick warm ermine."
"Then why did you come to America?"
"I like to bark once in a while."