Amish Jokes / Recent Jokes

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriageobviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and
grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust."

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.

Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.

That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.' Well, dear, what exactly did he say?'

' He said the reflector is broken.'

' I can fix that in two minutes. What else?'

' I'm not sure, Jacob. .. something about the emergency brake...'

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, butI do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady."That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob."He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady."I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob."I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake," said the lady.

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop."Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.""Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady."That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop."Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob."He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady."I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob."I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...

An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever more...

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up." The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up." He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of more...

After the devastating Amish school shooting in PA, many have made a point that they wish no evil against the gunman. They blame the music and video games...


An Amish grandfather has said that he doesn't hate the man who killed his kids.
In a related story, I no longer hate brussell sprouts...I just dislike them.