Amount Jokes / Recent Jokes

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely more...

(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...

TAN TOCK SENG, SINGAPORE -- The National Pimples Center, NPC, is planning to stage the largest charity show sometime next year to raise funds for the treatment of severe acnes. "We have decided to stage such a charity show to raise fund for our acnes patients following the success of the other charity shows", said Ms Agnes Pim, public relation manager of NPC. She was referring to the NKF Local and Foreign Celebrities Charity Shows, President Star Charity Show and the recent SNHA Charity Show. "We believe this Charity Show of ours will be the best, and will received the largest amount of donation ever. We have restructured our organization to link our executives annual bonuses to the amount of donation received. We believe that this compensation program will enable us to achieve our target of S$1 billion in donation monies.", said Ms Agnes Pim. She also indicated that it should not be too difficult to raise such a huge amount given the soft-heartedness of most more...

Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make more...

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat more...

"We`ve tripled the amount of money - I believe it`s from $50 million up to $195 million available." -George W. Bush, Lima, Peru, March 23, 2002
"We`ve got pockets of persistent poverty in our society, which I refuse to declare defeat - I mean, I refuse to allow them to continue on. And so one of the things that we`re trying to do is to encourage a faith-based initiative to spread its wings all across America, to be able to capture this great compassionate spirit." -George W. Bush, O`Fallon, Mo., Mar. 18, 2002
"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region." -George W. Bush, Washington, D. C., March 13, 2002
"There`s nothing more deep than recognizing Israel`s right to exist. That`s the most deep thought of all.. .. I can`t think of anything more deep than that right." -George W. Bush, Washington, D. C., March 13, 2002
"He [Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi] said I want to more...

Parkinson's Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item. Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.