Ancient Jokes / Recent Jokes

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland
(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz
Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown,
And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!
Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate,
Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!
For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky;
Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!
Your once-proud bank was bowing down, more...

Im learning ancient history? So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!

Harry and Bert two intrepid explorers are walking through the jungle, when suddenly they are set upon by fierce man-eating cannibals. They are trussed up in a trice and carried off back to the cannibal's village,
Here they are stripped and placed in a big cauldron of water, the natives then start chopping up vegtables and throwing them into the water as well. Now Harry and Bert are a little preturbed to be next on the h'or deurves list so they call for the Chief of the cannibals.
Well, the Chief comes to see them and asks what they want. Harry and Bert ask the Chief if there is any way they can get out of being cooked and eaten by the cannibals. Well the Chief says there is the ancient test of the jungle fruits.
What do we have to do say the intrepid explorers. Well, says the Chief, you go off into the jungle and bring back a jungle fruit of some kind and we put you to a test, and if you can perform the test we will let you go free.
Seems fair, think our heros. So they more...

Recently, Germans conducted some scientific exploration involving their best men. Core drilling samples were taken to a depth of 50 metres, and during these examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered.
After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network.
The British government was unimpressed, and conducted their own survey. From samples drilled to a depth of 100 meters, they found small pieces of glass, and announced that 35,000 years ago, the ancient Britons had a nationwide optical-fibre network.
The Irish government felt they had to conduct their own survey, their scientists bored to a depth of 200 meters, but found absolutely nothing.
They concluded that, 55,000 years ago, the ancient Irish already had a thriving cell phone network in place.

You are all probably familiar with the lunacy that happens in New York City every spring when the gay group wants to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade, and the Ancient Order of Hibernians (or the Ancient Order of Hibernators, as we call them) won't let them in.
Having had some experience with elderly Irish relatives, my take on the situation is that it isn't that the group is "gay" that bugs them. Half of them don't even know what gay people are.
It's the fact that they can see that word "homosexual" has the word "sex" in it that bugs them.

You are all probably familiar with the lunacy that happens in New York City every spring when the gay group wants to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade, and the Ancient Order of Hibernians (or the Ancient Order of Hibernators, as we call them) won't let them in.
Having had some experience with elderly Irish relatives, my take on the situation is that it isn't that the group is "gay" that bugs them. Half of them don't even know what gay people are.
It's the fact that they can see that word "homosexual" has the word "sex" in it that bugs them.

Ancient History Explained... A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order: A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time. The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we more...