Angel Jokes / Recent Jokes

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.
The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."
"O.K." said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which two days of the week begin with the letter T."
"That's easy", said the candidate for admission. "Today and Tomorrow."
"Hmmmm", said the angel. "Well I can't argue with that. Now for the second question, tell me how many seconds there are in a year."
"There are twelve", said the candidate.
"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"
"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."
"O.K." mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's first name."
"God's first name is more...

For those of you that might not have heard the REAL story of Christmas, enjoy!
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should deliver. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and more...

George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Al Gore all arrive in heaven where an angel meets them. "All of you must cross this river and we shall judge how much you have sinned based upon how far you sink," says the angel.
Dubya goes first and sinks up to his neck, but makes it across. As he looks back he sees Al Gore walking on the water.
"What gives?" Dubya whines to the angel. "He's sinned just as much as I have."
"He's standing on Bill's shoulders!" replies the angel.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from Heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. i'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes." said the angel, winking knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll dump on its head."

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.