Elf Jokes

What do elves learn in school?
The elfabet.
Who is the most famous singing elf?
Elf Vis.
What is the most favorite elf pet?
An Elflephant?
What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low Elf esteem.
What do you call an elf that likes to swim?
An elfin.
What do you call a stingy elf.
Elfish
How do elves get up into the workshop attic?
The Elflevator.
How do you describe an elf who refuses to take a bath?
Elfully smelly.
What do you call an elf who teaches english?
A subordinate Claus

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

An male elf was so paranoid about the size of his willy that he could
never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love
with a elf nurse.
One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft
music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of
his problem.
"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."
Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots
smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved elf asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."

Love is a merry little elf who dances a jig, then turns on you with a machine gun.