Anniversary Jokes / Recent Jokes

On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.
"How romantic!" she thought.
Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it in a colossal mess.
Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker."
"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"
"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."

As they were preparing to cut the cake at their 75th anniversary celebration, the old man nuzzled the old woman's ear and whispered, "Darling, there's a question I've been wanting to ask you all these years. Our eleventh child never did look very much like his siblings. Did he have a different father?"
Lowering her eyes, and hesitating for a moment, the old woman murmured, "Yes, he did dear."
The old man stood there, unable to speak for a moment, until he finally asked, "Who? Who is it?"
"You, dear!" she admitted.

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."
His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

WHITE WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.

Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3- carat ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN

First Date: You get dynamite head.

Second Date: You get more great head.

Third more...

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 9. Today is our what? 8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together? 7. I thought we only celebrated important events? 6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband. 5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother. 4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's. 3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will. 2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up. 1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

Tom was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.
"Tom!! Tom!! Put down that paper and let's talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?"
Tom put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, "How about two minutes of silence?"