Annual Jokes / Recent Jokes
Warren Buffett's annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders, mailed to them today, contains the usual mixture of anecdotes, jokes, admissions of mistakes and wisdom. Buffett says that companies looking at takeovers should beware of what sellers tell them; to illustrate, he tells this tale.
A man says to a veterinarian: "Can you help me? Sometimes my horse walks just fine and sometimes he limps."
Replies the vet: "No problem. When he's walking fine, sell him." (Warren Buffett is a famous US investor; probably the most successful investor of all time)
-- from Adam Starchild
via
From: jaffo@onramp. net (Jaffo)
Newsgroups: alt. politics. jaffo,[...]
Subject: Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist!
Keywords: hat tree brick rock wink prostate Dole corrugated firm bouncy happy cat woof cobble freak hectare moo
In alt. politics. jaffo, on 16 Dec 1996 13: 04: 09 -0700, you wrote:
: The second one. Nail those toon bastards to the wall. They're all: Communists you know. Ever notice why Bart and Lisa Simpson both are: always wearing RED? ALWAYS?
Which brings me to my annual Christmas rant.
AHEM.
I have a little quiz. Not a quiz, really, in fact this is Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist.
Wears red.
Wears conspicuous cold weather clothing. (Gets mighty cold in SIBERIA!)
Infiltrates the homes of hard-working Americans.
Favors the redistribution of wealth in the form of colorfully-wrapped presents.
Distributes COMMUNIST propaganda, teaching our children that if they just more...
A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.
He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?"
"I made $150,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply.
"You may enter" says the Angel.
Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000; I was a realtor."
He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn.
"My annual salary was $8,000."
"Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10, 000.
The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure,
he replied, "I have this situation in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"
A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams. Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news," he explained, "is that your fiance has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before." The guy paled. "If that's the good news, then what the hell is the bad news?" "Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard about this nasty strain just last week from my dog's vet."