Another Jokes / Recent Jokes
Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman.
Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another.
After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a "good time".
"Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!"
"OK," replies Joe, "so how many does it take?"
Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys
"You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says
"No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it.
Then all three guys walk out to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off,
starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.
The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer,
I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy
has another beer.
After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went
outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom,
where he hit the ground and died instantly.
The third guy turned to thefirst guy and said "You know Superman, you
are a real jerk when you drink"
"How are things going?" one bee asked another.
"Terrible," the second bee replied. "I can't find any flowers or pollen anywhere."
No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down this street until you see all the cars. There's an outdoor bar mitzvah going on with lots of flower arrangements and fresh fruit."
"Thanks!" said the second bee, buzzing off. Later the two bees ran into one another, and the second bee thanked the first bee for the tip. Then the first bee asked, "But what's that thing on your head?"
My yarmulke," the second bee replied. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.
The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
“Some parents, ” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. ’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife. ’”
One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook??? ”
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.' Why, of course,' comes the reply. The first man then asks,' Where are you from?'' I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying,' You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks,' Where in Ireland are you from?'' Dublin,' comes the reply.' I can't believe it,' says the first man,' I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks,' What school did you go to?'' St Mary's,' replies the second man,' I graduated in 1962.'' This is unbelievable,' the first man says.' I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.' What's been going on?' he asks the barman.' Nothing much,' replies the barman.' The O'Malley twins more...
What's another name for an parent? Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.
One woman to another at a singles bar: "I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?"