Apartment Jokes / Recent Jokes

After an enjoyable eighteen holes of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love. On the way home, the the man's conscience started bothering him something awful.

He loved his wife and didn't want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean. "Honey," he said when he got home, "I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me." His wife scowled at him and said, "Don't lie to me, you sorry scumbag! You played thirty-six holes, didn't you?"

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. When he was ready to leave, he told her that he did not have any cash with him but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling it "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he decided that the whole event was not worth the price he agreed to pay, so he had his secretary send a note with a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

1. it had never been occupied.

2. that there was plenty of heat.

3. that it was small.

Last night I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl more...

YOUNG Pakistani civil servant had just got married. He was desperately trying to find somewhere to live. His mother advised him to go and see the faqir (holy man) as a last resort. And so he did.

"What I'm looking for is a small apartment, nothing too expensive, just three rooms, kitchen and bathroom, with a balcony and if possible a telephone and..."

"Very well", said the faqir. "Take this incense and burn it in a little blue teapot. A djinn will appear, who will make your wish come true."

The young man did as the faqir said. He burned the incense in a little blue teapot. And, sure enough, the djinn appeared.

"Your wish is my command!"

"Well, I'd like a small apartment, nothing too expensive, just three rooms, a kitchen and bathroom, with a balcony if possible a telephone...."

"Is that all?" the genie asked. "You fool! if I had a three-roomed apartment, more...

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

The newlyweds had just returned from their honeymoon and we're settling down in their new apartment. As the husband was returning home from work the following evening, a neighbor bumped into him in the hallway and said, "I just happen to have a couple of extra tickets to a play opening in town tonight. Would you and your bride like to have them?"
The young man replied, "I'll check with her." Opening their apartment door, he called out to her, "Sweetheart, would you care to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?"
"Listen, pal," she responded, "if you dare show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going back home to my mother."

Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and I for a visit.As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink.Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?"He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and then replied, "I have pickle juice or water."

Friends of Women..
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the
very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment
overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none
of them confirm that she was with them. . .

Friends of Men..
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So
the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed
at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still
with them. . . ! !!!!!!!!