Apple Jokes / Recent Jokes
TOP TEN REASONS MICROSOFT INVESTED $150 MILLION IN APPLE
10. Bill Gates found spare change in his trousers
9. First and last month's rent on empty office space in Cupertino
8. Fee: Steve Jobs to give charisma lessons to Microsoft CEO
7. Two words: Rhapsody 98
6. Small price to pay for world domination
5. Bill to Larry: I own you now, too
4. Jobs and Woz threw in a signed Apple I as part of the deal
3. Best way to assure Gates a starring role in next Pixar
animated feature
2. Easier than bribing entire Justice Department
1. Strategic move: Apple users now hate Jobs more than Gates
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a workers boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, Id still have 4 apples."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37." "And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked." Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.""I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.""The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37.""Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
Knock Knock Who's there! Apple! Apple who? Apple the door myself!
Three Microsoft engineers and three Apple employees are traveling by train to a computer conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple employees buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft engineer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple employee.
They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats, but all three Apple employees cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on.
The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to do the same on the more...
There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman and they were flying in a plane. The Englishman dropped an apple, the Irishman dropped a banana peel, and the Scotsman dropped a grenade. Later, when they got off the plane, they saw a man crying so they went up to him and asked what was wrong and he said that while he was walking an apple landed on his head, so they walked on. Then they saw a man rubbing his butt, and they asked what was wrong and the man said that while he was walking he slipped on a banana peel so they walked on. Again they came up to a man but he was laughing so they asked what is so funny and he said I farted and my house blew up.