Applicant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Manager: how long have you worked with abc & company? Applicant: seventy -two years. Manager: and how old are you? Applicant: fifty-six. Manager: how can you work seventy-two years when you are only fifty-six? Applicant: all overtime, sir.

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn? t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M. I. T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer? s ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I? ll give you $1 million, I? ll keep $1 million, and we? ll send the engineer to Mars."

The accountant for the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe was retiring after working for the firm for seventeen years. Cheatham was interviewing applicants, and was disappointed, as only three had even bothered to send in a resume.

After looking over the application of the first, an accountant with six years experience at Goldman Sachs, he called the first applicant in, and asked the woman what 2 plus 2 was.

She answered, "Four."

Cheatham said he would call her if she was selected.

The second candidate was a CPA from Harvard, and at the end of the interview he was asked the same question, "What is two and two?"

The CPA replied, "Four." Cheatham told him that he would call the young man if he was selected.

The third applicant was a recently-graduated philosophy. Cheatham figured that this wasn't going to go anywhere, but thought, "What the hey? I've got nothing to more...

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant." "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. "Simple," said the Department manager..."Your fellow applicant put down on question #5,' I don't know.' You put down,' Neither do I.'"

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M. I. T." The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"
The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!"
"No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!"
As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to more...