Hired Jokes

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and more...

A man dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The man says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband."
The man is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone
"What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, more...

One day this factory foreman hired 3 guys - a Polish fellow named 'Stosh', a black guy named 'Calvin' and a Chinese man named 'Ling'.
When it came to handing out work assignments, he said "Stosh, you take care of that machine over there. Make sure it has proper materials going it at all times and inspect each finished piece coming out".
Handing Calvin a broom, he said "Calvin, make sure this place is clean at all times. Sweep up anything that falls on the floor."
So Ling asked what HE was supposed to do and the foreman said "You're in charge of supplies" and went back to his office.
A little while later, he emerged from behind his desk to see how his new charges were doing.
Stosh was busily tending his machine and Calvin was sweeping up every piece of litter in sight. But he did not see Ling anywhere.
He went back to the warehouse - no Ling.
He checked the receiving area - no Ling!
He even went into the men's room - still more...

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job.Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do time studies (GS-11).Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll officer (GS-11) and hired two people.Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an Admin. more...

Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one monday morning, she noticed that his fly was open.

Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open."

He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was open. So, he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back into his office.

"By the way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention? "

"Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."