Applicant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3. 999 and 4. 001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Comm. of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?"
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch - he couldn't return to Earth.The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research." The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and that person couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M. I. T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you''re applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."

"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."

"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that''s giving the interview doesn''t tike to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."

"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."

The interviewer is more...