Arguments Jokes

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other. ”
“Your honor, ” replied the lawyer, “That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it? ”

How to Argue and Win Every Time
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
*Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
*Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to more...

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot.

Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"

Murderers win the most arguments.
They win because even if they're wrong they're still alive, and that beats paper, rock and scissors.