Arrive Jokes / Recent Jokes
I don't understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was,
you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would
arrive at its destination in two days. Now you put a twenty-five-cent
stamp on a letter and it can take three to four weeks to arrive.
Still only a penny a day!
(From the letter column in Harper's Magazine, in response to an article
about the US Post Office.)
Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they're here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here ??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond! That's illegal! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond! That's illegal! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ''And your name must be Quack Quack Quack.'' And the duck replies ''No, it's Bubbles.''
There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it.
Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation.
A combined force beach landing on a tropical island. When the troops hit the beach. The Royal Marines go fishing.
The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive.
The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now!
The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip.
The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them.
The Italians go sunbathing.
The Germans land and build a car factory.
The West Indians go looking for the Dutch.
The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans.
The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them.
The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL.
The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a more...
Attempt to take the order-takers order.
("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.
Order confusing items, i.e.,
"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please".
When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.
Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.
Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and more...
Attempt to take the order-takers order.("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.Order confusing items, i.e.,"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please".When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.If you more...
IF YOU'RE A GUY: You arrive to the party with a group of 10 or more other guys (in Honda's of course!). You are wearing a plaid or flannel shirt w/ a pair of jeans, Doc Martin's, and a white shirt underneath. The line at the door is short with mostly guys (90% guys/10% girls). You don't mind if any girl cuts in front of you even they are ugly. If a guy cuts, you want to start a fight. You hair contains two bottles of mousse, one tube of gel, and one can of hair spray in case one strand gets out of place. You are either bald or you have a 2-hour old fade. Your pants are sagging, a pager is always in the right front pocket snapped on backwards, and your car alarm remote is hanging out in the left front pocket. You stare at every girl at the party, but never approach any of them. You hope the girl you've been looking at, knows one of your friends and then you will say "HOOK ME UP!" Gets a woody if a cute girl happens to look at you and smile. As you come into the party, you say more...