Microphone Jokes

Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions. The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?" "I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure." The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?" "If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice." The third more...

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

Q: How many roadies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to try to hammer it in with a microphone, and another to find a cable to plug that microphone in.
Q: How many union members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: If we do screw in that light bulb, it'll be a 4 hour minimum on the payroll.
Q: How many sound techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. That's the light guy's job.
Q: How many lighting techs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: IT'S A LAMP!

1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
6. Walk through.
7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
9. Attempt to take the order-takers order (”Hi, may I take your order? ”) before they get a chance to take yours.
10. Order confusing items, i. e., “Hi, I’ll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please”.
11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch more...

Four international businessmen are on the golf course, and there is a ringing sound.
The Canadian guy goes to his golf bag, pulls out his cellular phone and talks for a minute with his office.
"Very important to be in touch these days," he says.
"Yes," his golfing partners agree. A little bit later another, a different ring is heard, and the American golfer holds his hand up to his head (as if to imitate talking on the phone) and starts talking in what is clearly a real conversation.
After the call he explains to his friends, "It's the very latest in cellular technology - a speaker is attached to my thumb, and a microphone to my pinky. You can't even tell I have it on."
A couple of holes later, a different, muted, ringing sound is heard, and the German businessman in the foursome stands erect and begins talking, again an obviously real conversation. When finished he explains, "This really is the latest in cellular technology. more...