Cellular Jokes

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

Santa is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says " hello, how did you know i was here?"

1. Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. (Hide them well.)

2. Organize his workshop, bedroom, or other special place.

3. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of Ring Dings.

4. Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he complains, innocently suggest that he's gained a few pounds.

5. Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side.

6. "Accidentally" fill the gas tank of his new Porsche with diesel.

7. Repeatedly misplace the cordless phone, preferably in a different room each time.

8. Repeatedly lose his cellular phone in restaurants around town.

9. Loan his precious cellular phone to a pregnant girlfriend who "needs it more than he does."

10. Insist upon a lot of "meaningful conversations."

11. If you live together, have your mother more...

Four international businessmen are on the golf course, and there is a ringing sound.
The Canadian guy goes to his golf bag, pulls out his cellular phone and talks for a minute with his office.
"Very important to be in touch these days," he says.
"Yes," his golfing partners agree. A little bit later another, a different ring is heard, and the American golfer holds his hand up to his head (as if to imitate talking on the phone) and starts talking in what is clearly a real conversation.
After the call he explains to his friends, "It's the very latest in cellular technology - a speaker is attached to my thumb, and a microphone to my pinky. You can't even tell I have it on."
A couple of holes later, a different, muted, ringing sound is heard, and the German businessman in the foursome stands erect and begins talking, again an obviously real conversation. When finished he explains, "This really is the latest in cellular technology. more...

Malaysian Cellular Service Providers and what they really mean: 010 - ART 900 - Always Repair Telephone 011 - ATUR - Absolutely Terrible and Useless Radiophone 012 - Maxis - Moronic And Xtremely Inferior System 013 - TM Touch - Too Many TMTouch Owners Usually Change Handphones 016 - DiGi 1800 - Don't Invest In Garbage Instruments 017 - ADAM - Always Dropping And Malfunctioning 018 - Mobifon - Most Often Bought In Fake Obnoxious Nightmarkets 019 - CELCOM - Cannot Enjoy Line Clarity on Outgoing Messages