Arrogant Jokes / Recent Jokes

You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid. I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. You're a habit I'd like to kick with both feet! I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. You've never been outspoken no one has ever been able to. At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

One day in Paradise, Eva said to God:
-"GOD, I have got a problem!"
-"What is the problem, Eva?.
-"God, I know you made me and you gave me this wonderful garden, all these amazing animals and also the good serpent, but I am not happy."
-"Why do you feel that?" - said a voice from the sky.
-"God, I am alone, and I can't handle eat more apples."
-"Well, Eva, in that case, I have got a solution for you. I will create the man."
-"What is a man, God?"
-"A man will be an imperfect creature, with many negative attributes: liar, arrogant, conceited person; resuming, he will make your life a hell.
But... he will be bigger, faster, and he will hunt and kill animals for you. He will have a stupid look when excited, but I will make him to satisfy all your physical needs. He will pathetic and he will have pleasure with childish things as kick a ball and be fighting all the time. He more...

A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit.

Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other. There was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. "Could I please sit in that seat" he asked.

The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude" she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there"?

He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. "Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit more...

You French all say we`re arrogant. Well hell, we`ve earned the right-- We saved your sorry nation when you lacked the guts to fight.

A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault...
"YOU STUPID REDNECK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls.
"Now how am I gonna get outa this?" though the redneck to himself. Then he had an idea...
After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.
He handed it to the hotshot and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves....IT'S more...