Art Jokes / Recent Jokes
Stock Market Dictionary for this year's investor:
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after more...
THE abuse can be an art if it is spontaneous, cool and hits the mark fairly and squarely.
A lot of abuse has been traded between leaders of political parties and their traducers. Some of it is spontaneous but always angry and way off the mark.
, ^ Among some juicy insults is an exchange between the notorious John Wilkes and the Earl of Sandwich. Once Wilkes taunted the Earl,' I predict, Sir, that you will die by hanging or from some loathsome disease.'
Replied the Earl of Sandwich, "That depends, my dear Sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'
Now, that is foul-mouthing with panache!
Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb A: Does it have to be a light bulb? Ive got this neat candle holder...
Mike goes to his first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked cross it. Mike walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. Mike says, "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School
To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.
To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald`s manager uses daily.
No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.
After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.
So someone else can deal with the psychotic little shits.
Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.
Easier to run escort service out of home when they`re not around.
To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect English to the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!
To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M. Lewinsky only!).
I think my Grandson best summed up my feelings about abstract art.
We were looking at a painting with a wild mish-mash of colors and he asked, "What's that?"
I said, "It's supposed to be a cowboy on his horse."
"Well," he continued, "Why isn't it?"
One Day, A sardarji went to take an art class. His art teacher gave the assignment that he must paint something. The sardarji did not know what to paint, so the teacher told him to paint that which he felt was the most beautiful thing in the world.
The sardarji thought, Nothing can be more beautiful than my village, so I shall paint that. The sardarji spent all his time working on the painting the next day. He did not eat, sleep, or take a bath.
Finally, he took the painting to his art teacher. His art teacher was amazed at the detail of the picture, but he said, "No, no, there is something missing. Go back to your village and see what you have missed."
The sardarji went back to his village and revised his painting. The next day in class, he returned with the painting. He presented a black canvas to his instructor. His instructor said, "What! You fool!
I said revise not destroy!"
The sardarji said, "Well you more...