Diplomacy Jokes

Diplomacy:
a peaceful substitute for shooting.
cutting the other fellow's throat without using a knife.
lying in state.
the art of saying "Nice doggie!" until you can find a rock.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Don't more...

Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.Every morning is the dawn of a new error...A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...The beatings will continue until morale improves.I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.If at first you DO succeed, try not to look more...

In just the first few weeks, I've had to engage in some of the toughest diplomacy of my life. And that was just to keep my Blackberry.