Arts Jokes / Recent Jokes
You find yourself casually standing in a cat stance. You trip, go into a roll and come up in a fighting stance. In church. You answer your boss Ussss. You put your hands together in a martial arts bow position (one hand open the other closed) after grace at the dinner table. You tie your bathrobe belt in a square knot. Then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You accept change from the cashier using a perfect knife hand with the thumb carefully tucked in. Every time you handle a screwdriver or razor knife, etc., you just can't help changing grip from hammer to reverse to flip over to dagger grip etc. And your shop help is standing cautiously far, far away from you. When you're outside doing landscaping/gardening you "practice" with all the neat weapons. The first word out of your parrot's mouth is KIAI! and you teach your cat how to free spar. You shut the refrigerator door with a side thrust kick. You shop for clothes based on whether you can kick in them. The more...
What does a gynocologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can smell it but can't eat it
10) Broken masonry makes great drainage for potted plants.9) Get beaten up by people half your size and twice your age.8) Never run out of kindling wood again.7) No need to wonder what belt to wear.6) Get to be on first name basis with the Emergency Room staff.5) These uniforms make nice pajamas.4) Never need to wonder why it's hard to get up in the morning.3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting.2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages. And the top reason for studying martial arts:
1) (Tie) Get to star in Ginsu commercials. / Three words: free nose job.
Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.
Did you know that marriage is a three ring circus?
1. The engagement ring...
2. The wedding ring....
3. Suffering
16> Under threat of an embargo, Yeltsin quickly apologizes for the USSR's early space program.
15> National Endowment for the Arts replaced by a roomful of President's relatives with typewriters.
14> Microsoft? Sell! IBM? Sell! Chiquita? Buy, baby, buy!
13> "Organ grinding" no longer refers to Presidential proclivities.
12> First President in diapers since the Reagan years.
11> Shiny red ass could be blamed on heredity instead of a wild night at the Little Rock Holiday Inn with a hooker named Wanda.
10> Pauly Shore receives the Presidential Achievement Medal in the Arts.
9> N. R. A. banquet ends badly with Charlton Heston shouting, "Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"
8> Four opposable thumbs allow for Chinese bribe-taking at twice the speed of current administration.
7> New Director of the FBI: Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.
6> State of the Union address reduced to three minutes of dung-tossing and more...