Arts Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.

2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.

3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.

4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.

5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.

6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.

8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable more...

Why did God give women yeast infections?

So they can know what its like to have to deal with an.
irritating cunt all day.

An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000).
The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.
The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.
However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.10) The entire British population lives in London.11) It more...

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have trained for years and years can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

You don't know what "Wushu" means When someone ask you what style you do you say:"kungfu" You don't do qi gong everyday You don't know Tajiquan is the most feared style in china You mixed Wushu moves you saw in Jet Li movies with your karate forms You go to some fake Shaolin school Your teacher claims to master at least 700 forms You don't train everyday You break dance You like Jet Li but do tae kwon do You think Wushu is a dance You don't know Taiji can kill people You rarely train, you listen to hip hop, and you like Wu Tang Clan You collect Jet Li movies and manga stuff You proudly wear cotton Chinese martial arts uniform with white buttons You teach karate.... and also Taiji You use the word Shaolin more than once a year You own a katana you bought in Chinatown and your proud of it You go to Asian parties You think your a good martial artist You read books about Buddhism too You went to a Zen meditation class once and never went back You think you don't need more...

(From the "San Jose Mercury News," May 17, 1989:)
David St. John, 37, was the victim last week of what police
say was a terrible mistake.
The two Hayward police officers used their batons to hit
St. John, who they didn't realize was blind, after mistaking
his collapsible cane for an illegal martial arts weapon, said
Lt. Mitchell Penn, the police department's internal affairs officer.
"It was a very regrettable incident," Penn said Tuesday. "But from
what I've seen so far it's not a case of overzealous officers.
They had no idea he was blind-they were extremely upset when they
found out."
Field training officer Eric Ristram said St. John placed in his pants
pocket what appeared to be a nunchaku, a martial arts weapon consisting of
two round sticks of wood connect by a chain.
The officers thought the man could see their uniforms so they didn't
identify themselves when they told St. more...