Asian Jokes / Recent Jokes

Teacher says to class: "I shall now read you some quotes. Whoever can tell me who said them, and when, they can go home early". Teacher: "Who said "We will fight them on the beaches"?" Lim Sung Wu: "Winston Churchill, 1942". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Lim Sung Wu: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a doctor, and I need to learn all I can". Teacher: "Who said "I shall return"?" Sing Lam Po: "Douglas McArthur, 1944". Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish". Sing Lam Po: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a lawyer, and I need to learn all I can". Johnny, at the back of the room, mutters: "Bloody Asians". Teacher: "Who said that?" Johnny: "Pauline Hanson, 1996", and he runs out of the room, "I'm going home now, see you tomorrow, teacher".

There is a English man Irish man and a asian man on a plane suddenly the plane starts to decend so the captain says chuck some things out that you have got lots of so the english man says i have lots of fish and chips so he throws some out the irish man says he has lots of whisky and chucks some whisky out the asian man says my country has loads of bombs so he chucks a bomb out when they finally land there is 3 kids the english man goes to the first kid and says what are you crying for and he saya because fish and chips fell on my head the irish man goes to the second kid and says what are you crying for and he says some whisky fell on my head and the asian man goes to the third kid and says what you laughing for and he says i farted and my next door neighbours house blew up.

Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number two rule follows.
Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually rule every
relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, more...

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller, "Why get less money than got last week?"

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said: " Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

Drug dealers Software developers
Refer to their clients as "users". Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!" "Download a free trial version..."
Have important South-East Asian Have important South-East Asian
connections(to help move the connections (to help debug the
stuff). code).
Strange jargon:"Stick," "Rock," Strange jargon: "SCSI," "RTFM,"
"Dime bag," "E." "Java," "ISDN."
Realize that there's tons of cash Realize that there's tons of cash
in the 14- to 25-year-old market. in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industry's Job is assisted by the industry's
producing newer, more potent producing newer, faster machines.
mixes.
Often seen in the company of of Often seen in the company of
pimps and hustlers. marketing people and venture
capitalists.
Their product causes more...

Drug Dealers
Software Developers
Refer to their clients as "users".
Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
"Download a free trial version..."
Have important Asian connections.
Have important Asian connections.
Strange jargon:
"Stick"
"Rock"
"Wrap"
"E"
"Stash"
"Drive-by"
"Hit (LSD)"
"Source"
"The Pigs"
Strange jargon:
"SCSI"
"RTFM"
"Packet"
"C"
"Cache"
"CTRL ALT DEL"
"Hit (WWW)"
"Source-code"
"Microsoft"
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Clients really like your stuff when it works. When it doesn't work they
want to kill more...

OK three people where in a plane. one was
Asian, Mexican and Ameircan the people had
the light the plane cause it was going to
crash
So the Asian throws a bag of rice then the
mexican guy throws a bag of flower and says
he has a lot of these in his country then
the Ameircan guy throws the mexican guy and
says i have a lot of these in my country.