Asian Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bus stops and two Asian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I'm just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."

Drug dealers Software developer Refer to their clients Refer to their clients as “users”. as “users”. “The first one’s free! ” “Download a free trial version…” Have important South-East Have important South-East Asian connections Asian connections (to help move the stuff). (to help debug the code). Strange jargon: Strange jargon: “Stick, ” “Rock, ” “SCSI, ” “RTFM, ” “Dime bag, ” “E”. “Java, ” “ISDN”. Realize that there’s Realize that there’s tons of cash in the tons of cash in the 14 to 25 year-old 14 to 25 year-old market. market. Job is assisted by the Job is assisted by industry’s producing industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes. newer, faster machines. Often seen in the company Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers. of marketing people and venture capitalists.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey, man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

There's a plane flying over the Atlantic, with six passengers: a Frenchman, a pregnant French woman, an Englishman, a pregnant English woman, an Australian, and a pregnant Asian-Australian woman.
Lightning strikes both wings, and the plane is going out of control. The pilot rushes up to the passengers, and says "I'm sorry, but there's only 4 parachutes. As I'm the pilot, it's essential that I get back to tell everyone what happened to the plane; you'll have to work out who gets the other three parachutes", so saying, he jumps out of the plane, opens his parachute and floats down to the ground.
The Frenchman looks at the pregnant French woman, and says "France needs more Frenchmen, therefore I do this for my country" and he jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Englishman looks at the pregnant English woman, and says "I do this for my country", and jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Australian looks at the pregnant more...

This guy is out golfing with his buddy one day and he says, "Man I haven't gotten laid in what seems like forever. I don't know what it is I'm just not getting any." So his buddy says, "Hey man I'll lend you my Asian cleaning lady. She'll come in give you a beer, clean your house, fuck the hell out of you, and best of all she can't speak a word of English." So the guys like really man you mean it? And his buddy says,

"Yeah sure I'll send her over tomorrow."

So the next day this guy is at home and this cleaning lady shows up.

She hands him a beer, goes about cleaning his house, and when she's done stands over him and undresses. So they start going at it and she starts screaming "SAMPOWHY, SAMPOWHY!!!" And of course he starts thinking he's like super stud to get the lady to scream like that.

The next day he's feeling all good about himself and he's out golfing with his buddy again. On his first shot he more...

It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping. While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical. Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, Where I come from we identify with our faces.

One day, an Asian man, an American man, and Sung Hi Lee were on a train. Along the ride, there was a short but dark tunnel. When they entered the tunnel, a kissing sound, then a slapping sound was heard. Once outside, everyone could see a large red mark on the American's face. Sung Hi Lee thought, "That American probably tried to kiss me, but accidentally kissed the Asian, and he slapped him." The American thought, "The Asian tried to kiss Sung Hi Lee, and she tried to slap him, but accidentally slapped me." Now, the Asian thought, "That was great! Next ride, I'll kiss Sung Hi Lee
again, and slap the American!"