Asian Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the
door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

There were 3 men having soup together in a restaurant. One was white, the others were Asian and Jewish. They all found out that there was a fly in each of their soups. The white guy was horrified and called the waiter to replace the soup. The Asian guy saw what the white guy did, and said "such a waste of food." He then spooned out the fly and threw it away. The Jewish guy saw what both men did, and said "Such a waste of food." He then picked the fly up with his fingers, squeezed the soup out of it and sucked it, then threw it away.

There is this good ol' barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. An Asian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess more...

Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white.

Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.

Own a cellular phone.

Have only Asian friends.

Speak only in Asian languages.

Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to
class.

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA.

Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends.

Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties.

Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!

Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.

Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other
Asians.

Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO more...

(From the Second Generation Perspective) Be a little more lenient on the 7PM curfew. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card. Don't "ai-ya" loudly at your kid's dress habits. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Hah-phoo (Harvard), Yale-uh (Yale), Stan-phoo (Stanford), and Emeh-I-Tee (MIT). Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with you life" if he/she majors in a non-science field. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills. Incorporate other phrases besides "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.

Score 1600 on the SAT. Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer. Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges. Have three hobbies: studying, studying, and studying. Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship to pay for it. Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone. Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar. Aspire to be a brain surgeon. Marry Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children (grandkids for ahma and ah-gongh!) Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood... especially the one about walking 7 miles to school without shoes.

Teacher: "Johnny, put the word INFATUATION in a sentence".
Johnny: "A Jap tourist walks into Pauline Hanson's fish and chip shop, and asks her `How do you cook your chips?', so Pauline tells him, `In fat you Asian'".