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And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays:
Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.

Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and more...

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb... and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong
3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
5. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. -Wendy Liebman
6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck
7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ‘em. -Sue Grafton
8. I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
9. I think, therefore I’m single. -Lizz more...

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?" What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? "Do you want fries with that?"

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID IS TAKING DWEEBONICS CLASSES10. They tilt their head sideways to smile. 9. When you ground them, they say, "Your UI could really use some work." 8. They say, "My dad can beat your dad at Quake." 7. Instead of laughing, they say, "LOL." 6. They insult kids by saying, "And you've got limited bandwidth!"5. They change the answering machine message to "BRB, leave your URL, and we'll TTYL." 4. This is how they ask someone out on a date: "Umm, uh, well... see ya!"3. Calling from camp, your homesick child says, "I'm roaming outside my service area!"2. When you ask if they've finished their book report, they say, "It's in beta, but it'll ship in time." 1. You're telling them something they don't want to hear. They're saying, "NAK, NAK, NAK" the whole time.

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask prices of everything on the menu and then order something that you did not ask the price for.
3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11: 30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said' 'May I take your more...

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to lose, if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man: See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.

Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible
Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty more...

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"