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DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed.................................................. 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets....................... - 1 You leave the toilet seat up...................................... - 5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.................. 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... - 1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly more...

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were' protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" r The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're more...

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell,' 'I need some tampons!!''
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible' 'Sex and Candy''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,' 'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to' '10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say,' 'Hi! I more...

One day little Johnny asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "At Christmas you send a letter to Santa to ask for what you want, don't you?" "Yes," replied Johnny, "but it isn't Christmas." His mother said, "Yes, but you can send a letter to Jesus and ask him." Johnny sat down with a pen and paper and started his letter: Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy and I would like a new bike.
Your Friend,
Johnny He thought about this and decided to start a new letter. Dear Jesus,
Sometimes I'm a good boy and I would like a new bike. He thought about this and decided to write another letter. Dear Jesus,
I thought about being a good boy and I would like a new bike. He thought about this and decided that he didn't like that one either. He left and went walking around depressed when he went by a house with a small statue of Mary in the front yard. He picked up the statue and hurried home. He put the statue under the bed and more...

Yo Mama is so dumb she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper !

The following information was gained through much arduous research
involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It
consists of the most often asked questions of women (i. e..
relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are
encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their
behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it
comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're
not emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that more...

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!
WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out: )

1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"

2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)

3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"
(Not recommended at Biker Bars)

4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".

5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)

6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear more...