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I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters and busboys had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?"

"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil, at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time... nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift." Just as he concluded, a more...

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then,' cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

A little girl had just finished her first more...

An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell.

1. His Doctor
2. His Priest
3. His Lawyer

" Well today I found out I don't have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50, 000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave."

Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10, 000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35, 000 in."

The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25, 000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in."

Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing, "I am more...

To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:
The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
If I mention that more...

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it."

You might be a Malayali..........
If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin's wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and playfootball, all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!
If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a "chaya kada" yes you're a Malayali.
If you have more than 5 relatives working in Gulf, Big Time Malayali..
If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol" written on the rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You're a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have a tamilian parked in front of your house every more...

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in
the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here! ” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that? ” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear. ”
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar. ” The second blonde says, Here, let me see! ” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me! ”
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really more...