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Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.
Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is more...
Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.
Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.
Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war. I sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).
So, I sincerely believe that more...
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look more...
True story
Amdon the short guy with a biggg nose
This happened during a visit in another city
Amdon and two of his friends went to another city by train
Other two went to the caffetaria take away sandwiches
after some time one guy ask Amdon to return the plates
and bring bottle of mineral water to the deposit
Amdon retuned the plates and ask water bottle for the
deposit the girl who in the caffetaria.
There was no deposit for the plates Amdon faced to very
big problem.
They reached to the hostel Amdon ask from where can I take a
bath. others tald him go downstairs Amdon went with towel
other things. Room is in the 11 th floor Amdon was very lucky
lift also not working. More than 15 minuts went hear & there
to locate the bath room. and ask from one unknown person
he told him go & ask from the person who send you.
These are two stories about Amdon in Ukraine. Later we'll
send you story about more...
Programmer And An Engineer A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.
The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O. K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50! " Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.
Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks more...
* You kiss your girlfriend’s home page.
* You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap… and your child in the overhead compartment.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
* You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* Your son tells you he’s had the beard for 2 months.
* You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
* Your wife or husband says communication is important in a marriage… so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* You forget what year it is.
* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
* You move into a new house & decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* You tell the kids they can’t use the more...