Aspirin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why don't African-Americans like aspirin?
It's white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it.

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"

( This joke has been told by many deaf people and has been recorded in
a few books on deaf culture. The interpretation of this joke is mine,
though. )
A deaf couple checks into a motel very late at night. Upon moving into
their assigned room, they go to bed. But in the middle of the night, the
woman has a headache, so she goes into the bathroom for aspirin. But she
finds none, and remembers that the bottle of aspirin is still in the car.
Afraid to go out alone at night, she awakens her husband and asks him to
go get the aspirin from the car. The very groggy husband puts on his robe
and toddles wearily outside. He finds the bottle of the aspirin in the car's
glove compartment, and gets ready to go back to the room when he realizes
something: he can't remember which room was his!
He thinks and thinks and then gets an idea. He opens the car again and
honks the steering wheel horn several times. Within a minute, all more...

A relative heard this on C-Span the night of President Clinton's economic
address...
Chelsea wasn't feeling well at her private school. She went to the infirmary
to get some aspirin. The nurse discovered that nobody had ever signed
a parental consent form to authorize the school to dispense medicine to
the First Kid.
The nurse told Chelsea that they needed to contact one of her parents for
permission to give her aspirin. Chelsea told her, "Oh, please call Daddy.
Mom's far too busy."

Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.

A man went in for an interview for a job as a sales man. The interview went
quite well, but the trouble was that he kept winking.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we are looking
for, the fact that you keep winking could put a lot of our potential customers
off."
"Oh, that is no problem," said the man. "I stop winking if I take a couple of
aspirin."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of
condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, coloured and everything before he
found the packet of aspirin. He took an aspirin and soon stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "I do not think we could employ someone who would be
womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I am a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well, how do you explain all the more...

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you just jack off? I have a headache!"