Ass Jokes / Recent Jokes
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, already. ” The rear tiger says, “Sorry, ” and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, “I said stop it! ” The rear tiger says, “Sorry, ” and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, “What is it with you, anyway? ”
The rear tiger replies, “Well, I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!
Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his ass.
"If you don't mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?"
"I can't," lamented the first man. "It's permanent."
"I don't understand," said the other.
The first guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out. He said,' I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'
And I said. .. "No shit?"
A man in an automobile, who was stopped by a policeman for speeding, became very angry and called the traffic cop an ass.
After he had paid his fine, the judge reproved him, for what he had said to the officer.
"Then I mustn`t call a policeman an ass?" he said.
"Certainly not," said the judge. "You must not insult the police."
"But you wouldn`t mind if I called an ass a policeman, would you?"
"Why, no, if it gives you satisfaction," answered his honor with a slight smile.
The motorist turned to the man who had arrested him, and said: "Good-day, policeman."
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunkBut the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollowUnless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the storeIn hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so rightI just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of classEspecially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famishedBut now I'm fulfilled.. . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to passOur love has grown.. . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey.. . and you're a cutieI just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or cornySo, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did more...
Your mama so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.
Your mama so fat, your daddy is blind.
Yo daddy so stupid he went to the drug store and asked for marijuana
Yo girlfriend so ugly she went into an haunted house and they gave her an application.
Your mama so ugly, she had YOU.
Your daddy so stupid, he kept you.
Yo girlfriend so ugly when she was born the doctor took a look at her and spanked her parents.
Yo daddy so stupid he told everyone that he was "illegitiment" because he couldn't read.
Yo brother so stupid that when he was driving to disneyland he saw a sign that said Disneyland left, so
he went home.
Your sister so ugly, last time she didn't wipe her ass she gave me a dirty look.
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
Your whole family so ugly that when your parents told you about safe sex, they took the seat off your unicycle and gave your sister a broom.
Yo daddy so stupid he got stabbed in more...
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew more...