Assailant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was walking down a street in Ireland when a man approached from behind him and stuck a knife to the the guy's throat.
"Be you protestant or catholic", the assailant (sp?) asked.
The guy thought "If I say I'm catholic and he's protestant, I'm a dead man. If I say I'm protestant and he's catholic, I'm a dead man."
After a little thought, the guy said, "I'm jewish, I'M JEWISH".
"Aha," the assailant said, "I have to be the luckyest Arab in Ireland!"

Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun and pawn shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife.
What I came across was a 100, 000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
Needless to say, this was way too cool. Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be more...

A guy was walking down a street in Ireland when a man approached from behind him and stuck a knife to the the guy's throat.
"Be you protestant or catholic", the assailant (sp?) asked.
The guy thought "If I say I'm catholic and he's protestant, I'm a dead man. If I say I'm protestant and he's catholic, I'm a dead man."
After a little thought, the guy said, "I'm jewish, I'M JEWISH".
"Aha," the assailant said, "I have to be the luckyest Arab in Ireland!"