Atheist Jokes / Recent Jokes

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing, when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one quick flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. It then opened its mouth, preparing to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in ME!"
"Oh, come on God, give me a break!" pleaded the man. "Two minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different."Because I'm not an atheist."Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?""I'm a Christian."The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian."Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly."What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"She paused, and smiled. "Then," more...

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in me!" "Come on God, give me a break!!," the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.As the more...

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God.
He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by.
He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big 240 pound football player in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform.
The professor struggled, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the students that he was going to prove to them that there was not a God.
He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes when an enormous 265 pound football player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.
The football player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"
The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"