Attack Jokes / Recent Jokes

Only the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) can assure economic prosperity. Only the CCP can maintain societal stability. No one wants freedom. All Chinese demand national reunification meaning that the mainland must take over Taiwan. The one child policy works. China is capitalist. The Tiananmen Massacre was necessary in order to prevent chaos. Only the CCP produces people capable of leading the country. Deng Xiaoping intended to implement democracy. 1 country 2 systems works. Mao unified China. Falun Gong wants to destroy China. The CCP opposes corruption. CCP is like the sun. The CCP cares about Chinese. The People's Liberation Army (PLA) has the ability to invade and take over Taiwan. The PLA won the 1979 war with Vietnam. 1 million dead PLA' volunteers' in Korea constituted a victory. The PLA knows how to maintain the modern Russian aircraft and ships that it purchased Zhu Rongji wants to clean up corruption. Mainland corruption is not creeping into Hong Kong. Falun Gong is a more...

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency.
So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.
She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."

Name: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
Location: Throughout the world
Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra
layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12
inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
Symptoms: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by
excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware:
It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
unusual places.
Antidote: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete
recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
What To Do more...

6. 00& G-Had TV. Morning prayers.
8. 30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9. 00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.
11. 00 Jihad`s Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12. 00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12. 30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.
13. 30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14. 00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14. 30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15. 00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.`Starter for ten, no praying.`
15. 30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the more...

A man comes home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes
downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his
4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Mick's
hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the
bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering
on the wardrobe floor.
"You bonehead!," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart
attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the
kids!"

Two men were out in the woods hunting.
Suddenly, one of them clasped his chest, suffering from a heart attack.
Instantly, his friend whipped out his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. When the operator came on, she heard a frantic voice say that his friend had just had a heart attack and died. Calmly, she replied that he should make sure that his friend was really dead. He said ok and asked her to hold. A few moments later, the operator heard a gunshot, followed by the man coming back on, confirming the death and asked what he had to do next.

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p. m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.
"What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"
"Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.
"Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.
"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus..."