Attempted Jokes / Recent Jokes

Upon serving the passengers their in-flight snacks, one attendant
attempted with utmost professional delicacy to communicate with the least risk of embarrassment to the passenger that his pants were unzipped. "Sir, your garage door is open", she whispered.
Several times during the flight she attempted to inform him of his condition but her delicacy was lost on this dumb schmuck until of course he revisited the bathroom and realized that he'd been exposed throughout the entire flight.
Realizing now what she had been trying to tell him, he became livid with humiliation. If she had just said his pants were unzipped in' plain english' he'd have been spared the embarrassment of having been in flight almost 8 hours in that condition.
"Garage door" eh! Well, two can play that game he said to himself. I'll show her.
Returning to his seat he waited for that quiet moment when he could be sure that most everyone around him could hear the exchange and more...

You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...
1.) You make a wand and try to use it.
2.) You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
3.) You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.
4.) You wear robes to school or work.
5.) You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.
6.) You have read all the books more than four times.
7.) You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.
8.) You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.
9.) You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.
10.) You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.
11.) You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.
12.) You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.
13.) Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact more...

A group of nuns was traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Sir, that is inappropriate language," the eldest nun said. "We understand you're upset, but must you use such language?"
"My apologies, Sister," he replied, and tried again. It slipped again and nearly smashed his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Please, sir, we would ask you again to not use such language," the nun scolded. "If changing our tire is causing you to do so, perhaps it would be best if you didn't help us."
"I'm sorry, Sister, but I get so upset that it just comes out," the trucker replied.
"Well," more...